Things have happened I have lost and gained and lost a tiny and gained this year. In January I managed to lose 30 lbs but started gaining it all back in feb. In march I lost 10 lbs again but gained it back and as of a week and a half ago ish I was back to 275. I know I SHOULD weigh myself today to get a "starting " weight but I don't feel like seeing 285 or even 295 on the scale which considering how I have been eating, I probably would. The program works like this. You take a baseline and see how you eat, when and Why. Then you take steps to change that and dig in to the reasons you WANT to relapse when you do. When I feel like going "oh fuck it" I am going to try and come here whether on mobile, or the computer and talk about/get out why I feel this way. At the end of the project I will have graphs and charts about my progress and how far I have come. We will see if it works and I am crossing my fingers it does. As much as it might hurt some people I am going to be as candid as I can be. If I keep things bottled up then I fear I will go back to eating again and I need to get this weight off once and for all. Not just so I can have kids and be pretty, etc, but also so I can control my PCOS which is what this blog is about.
Part of this slump I have been in for a long while includes not taking my pills and vitamins, not walking, driving a lot more, stress eating, eating out of boredom and so much more. I hope to change that in the coming days and weeks if not for my health maybe for the sheer fact that in a few weeks it will be hella expensive to go get fast food since we will be moving and I will need to drive to the next town over for fast food. Let's start this right now.
10:45 AM- I know I should eat food and I am a little hungry but not a lot. I honestly don't feel like eating:\. I have had some water which I shouldn't have done because I haven't weighed myself for this project yet. I am so scared to weigh it isn't even funny I want to start crying just sitting here typing this. I just have this inkling that if I step on the scale it will be like 290 or even 300. Not numbers I EVER want to see. I want my wardrobe of clothes back, I want to throw them out and buy new ones, I want to be able to go shopping with a set of friends of mine if they end up visiting in November like they want to. I guess maybe this is why I eat, the more I eat the more I don't have to face things. Well I better go weigh and face the music.
Yep I didn't want to do that. Right back to where I was at the end of December. 288. Not and I hate it, no wonder my clothes don't fit anymore and tmi but..No wonder sex was a little difficult the other day. Ugh. Time to change NOW.
11:49- after adding up what we spent on eating out the last 2 weeks and seeing my weight this am. I want to throw up, cry and stress eat >.< i don't get how i can just not care. Sigh. This has to change or my mother will weigh less than i do!!
1:42-I had lunch. Didn't eat anything for breakfast because I wasn't hungry. I was EXTREMELY hungry though and matt wanted food so I decided to Make lunch about 1 pm. I made a pepperoni pizza for myself on flatbread. The whole pizza was 430 calories (I think that's a little high cause I dont think the pepperoni was 200 cals alone ) and being as thats all I have eaten today I'm ok with that. I'm no longer hungry but I am not EXTREMELY full either, in fact now I am craving :\ (Probably because this was actually healthy....my body is uses to junk again...Go figure...). I definately think that pizza had a lot of sodium because I am feeling it ugh. i'm on my second bottle of water so hopefully the feeling goes away. I think that i haven't been taking my vitamins because they have been making me sick later so I am going to try taking them at night instead...See how that goes. I forgot to take my metformin too OOPS!! Best do that!
7:15- in class and tiiiirreedd and bored bleh. Feeling something which i think is thirst but idk, i wanna reach for a cookie waaahh. I think i'm just bored in general meh :/
