Today was a major pig out day. And you know what? I don't feel guilty. I ate more than I should have, I ate a lil past full, not a ton, but enough that I could defo feel I was full. I have way too many sweets and Not enough veggies but you know what? I'm ok with that. I will eventualy even out and I wasn't Overstuffed. I kept myself in check. I'm getting better at having just one serving of something, that doesn't mean I don't go back for a second serving later, but it does mean I portion it out and wait to see how satisfied I am. Not much else happening today. I forgot to go to the gym again tonight :\ Oh well.
Food Summary:
Breakfast @ 8:Fred meyer sub samwich, 1 powdered donut, 1 choco donut and 1 bismark donut
Snack@ 10: Choco mint ice cream
Snack @ 11:30: Small wildberry chocolate shake
Dinner@ 4: 2 powdered donuts, 1 choco donut and sushi
My weight loss progress
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Exhausting day.
Today I went to my moms and took that book I have been forgetting to give her for ages. Got the vitamins I needed too ,etc. It's been an interesting and exhausting day. I spent like 3 hrs talking to her about her PTSD and what she needs to do to heal. Going out to my moms is always exhausting but she does need the help so eh. I got her thinking about getting a therapy dog and maybe some inpatient therapy for PTSD. I really do want her to heal and am happy to be there for her but I need her to try as well and not rationalize/defend everything. Only time will tell.I did manager to find a few really cute things that I can wear to my new job though. I'm really kind of excited to start :D.
Today was a not so healthy Food day, but I'm ok with that. I also skipped the gym today :\ It totally slipped my mind this AM, I will go back tomorrow though.
Food Summary:
Breakfast @8:30: 2 Mcdonald's sausage wraps and a hashbrown plus a med choc shake.
Lunch@ 10: Bacon cheeseburger from Burger king and a small 12oz choc shake.
Snack (throughout day): Half an almond snickers, 1 dark chocolate milkyway and Half a bag of M&M's mint.
Dinner @ 5: 20 Pc chicken nuggets, 2 Plain Mcdoubles and a very small piece of cream cheese brownie
Exercise: None
Friday, October 12, 2012
Making progress
So far today is a pretty ok day. I ate "junk" or play food this morning and im extremely ok with that. Before my run I had 1 powdered donut and 1 chocolate donut then came back and had another powdered one with my pills. I then was going to have a piece of cheesecake brownie but after having a little nibble I scraped off the pan I decided it was too rich/ sweet right now and didn't eat it. I know I can have it later. I did just buy some salad rolls, veggie chips and a bottle of water for lunch so I will have that during class for lunch. I might get a double cheeseburger or something as a snack after I take matt to work IF I am hungry. I know I for sure do t want fast food for dinner. Not sure what I'll have but I'll figure that out later. Right now I have class, I'll update on everything else in a bit;).
I had an interview at the payless in Tigard today and I REALLY like the manager and the atmosphere, She had an amazing attitude and really made me excited to work there. It sounds like its a very fast paced but laid back atmosphere. I want to work there :D
Other than that today is a lazy day. I am curled up in jammies on the couch with brownies. Yep, I am eating brownies YUM! And you know what? I don't feel guilty at all :P
Edit: I just found out I got the job at payless I am soo excited :DDD YAYY!! omg I want to cry!
Food summary
Breakfast@8: 1 powdered donut, 1 chocolate donut
Snack@9:30: 1 powdered donut.
Lunch@11:30: 2 salad rolls and veggie chips
Snack:@ 1:Hot chocolate
Snack@ 4: Cream cheese brownies
I had an interview at the payless in Tigard today and I REALLY like the manager and the atmosphere, She had an amazing attitude and really made me excited to work there. It sounds like its a very fast paced but laid back atmosphere. I want to work there :D
Other than that today is a lazy day. I am curled up in jammies on the couch with brownies. Yep, I am eating brownies YUM! And you know what? I don't feel guilty at all :P
Edit: I just found out I got the job at payless I am soo excited :DDD YAYY!! omg I want to cry!
Food summary
Breakfast@8: 1 powdered donut, 1 chocolate donut
Snack@9:30: 1 powdered donut.
Lunch@11:30: 2 salad rolls and veggie chips
Snack:@ 1:Hot chocolate
Snack@ 4: Cream cheese brownies
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Testing day
Today was a very very interesting day. I definitely feel like I am making progress with my eating, I am having more times that I feel full or satisfied rather than feeling overfull or out of control. I still have days where I think "how many calories is this?" or wonder how many calories I have actually eaten in a that day but I tell myself that whatever the number it's ok. Slowly but surely. Still have a few times where I am unsure whether I am hungry or not I have decided that when those times arise it is best to have something light and small then decide if I want more after that.
I did learning disability testing and am SOOOOO exhausted now. I was making pictures, drawing things, putting blocks together, doing math, clicking buttons, picking out pictures etc, etc. Soooooo tired. I still need to do the kitchen and I will but I think I need to just lay here and decompress for a little bit first. Maybe read my book or something.
I did get a call from 2 different payless store for interviews, one of them is tomorrow at 2:30 and one is for sunday. I really home I get the job. I kind of do want to work. I like staying home and I know I need to be here for teddy, but I want something to do to, to help in some way even if it means we save my paychecks for when matt goes back to school or when we buy the house, whatever it is.
Anyway, Ill update more later. I am exhausted.
Later.
Food summary
Snack@ 7:15: small sliver (seriously a sliver) of pumpkin bar
Breakfast@8:50: honey nut chex and light vanilla soymilk
Snack @10: handful of almonds
Snack@ 11: plain double cheeseburger
Lunch@1: salad w/ romaine, bacon pieces, feta and spray ranch, part of leftover chicken breast, little bit of rice and a lightly sweetened taxi black tea
Snack @ 4:00: 1/2 cup ice cream
Dinner @ 5:00: Spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce and sausage, mixed veggies (snap peas, broccoli, carrots) and garlic bread
Dessert @7:00 2 brownies, 1 powdered donut, 1 chocolate donut
Exercise: 5 mins warmup (run/walk) 20 mins weights, 5 mins stretch
I did learning disability testing and am SOOOOO exhausted now. I was making pictures, drawing things, putting blocks together, doing math, clicking buttons, picking out pictures etc, etc. Soooooo tired. I still need to do the kitchen and I will but I think I need to just lay here and decompress for a little bit first. Maybe read my book or something.
I did get a call from 2 different payless store for interviews, one of them is tomorrow at 2:30 and one is for sunday. I really home I get the job. I kind of do want to work. I like staying home and I know I need to be here for teddy, but I want something to do to, to help in some way even if it means we save my paychecks for when matt goes back to school or when we buy the house, whatever it is.
Anyway, Ill update more later. I am exhausted.
Later.
Food summary
Snack@ 7:15: small sliver (seriously a sliver) of pumpkin bar
Breakfast@8:50: honey nut chex and light vanilla soymilk
Snack @10: handful of almonds
Snack@ 11: plain double cheeseburger
Lunch@1: salad w/ romaine, bacon pieces, feta and spray ranch, part of leftover chicken breast, little bit of rice and a lightly sweetened taxi black tea
Snack @ 4:00: 1/2 cup ice cream
Dinner @ 5:00: Spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce and sausage, mixed veggies (snap peas, broccoli, carrots) and garlic bread
Dessert @7:00 2 brownies, 1 powdered donut, 1 chocolate donut
Exercise: 5 mins warmup (run/walk) 20 mins weights, 5 mins stretch
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
My Peacemaking endeavor with food begins
I am sure that title confuses you a little bit and it should. About 2 weeks ago I wrote about My trip to the dietician and our journey to make me get back to basics and honor my hunger instead of my "diet" Eat when I am hungry, don't when I am not. This has proved to be a little bit more of a struggle than I had anticipated and I have been using myfitnesspal to continue my food logging through this so far. Lat night however I came to a realization that my nutritionist is right, I don't need to pay attention to calories or nutrients right now, Right now I need to go through the process of becoming in tuned with my hunger responses and focusing on my journey to healthy eating. This is what I will use you and my blog to do. Once again I will use this as my tool to being a healthier me. It worked in the past and I hope it will work again. Starting today I will use this as my daily journal outlining everything I eat and all INTENDED exercise I do. I can't guarantee I will exercise every day, Heck knowing me I probably won't but the way I am looking at it is right now every little bit helps on my journey to become an intuitive eater and a healthier person. I don't want to be someone who looks and worries about calories or grams of fat, carbs or protein grams in every little think I eat. I want to have that cookie, or ice cream and know that it is ok, that I can have just one serving and not feel like I need to eat the whole thing. I want to be a balanced satisfied happy person.
Having typed that my stomach was growling and my hunger I THINK was about a 3 on the intuitive eating scale. I'm not sure. I find rating things hard to do :\ I warmed up 2 bread sticks and 2 pieces of pizza. One sausage and one pepperoni. The bread sticks were soggy and not to appealing, I definitely think I like them fresh or cold better. I didn't eat more than half of one. The pizza too was soggy which I didn't like again I think I like it better fresh or cold. I did eat that because it tasted a bit better though. I did take a second after each bite to assess how I was feeling and I am not sure if I am full or not so if I need to I will eat again in a few mins or a half an hour, etc. I think I am full but I'm not sure, it isn't a feeling where I'm FULL or over filled, It's kind of a not hungry/not full feeling I can't tell either way. When I ended I think I was about a 5 my pants are a little tight so I am not sure if my fullness is from the pants or from being full. Again if I am hungry in a few mins or a few hours I will eat.
Now let's back track a bit. I do feel a need to mention last night I ordered the pizza because I was EXHAUSTED I had 1 piece of each type of pizza, 2 bread sticks and 2 pizza rollers. I then had a piece of pumpkin bar I made earlier. I THOUGHT that I had eaten till full, Not overfull, not stuffed just full. However, 5 hours later at midnight while laying in bed I still felt full. Like full full. This morning I woke up at 7:30 and I wasn't hungry either. It was odd. Normally I wake up hungry. Instead I sat and read the book my nutritionist is having me read called eating intuitively by Evelyn Trioble and Elyse Resch. It is actually a quite interesting read and I can see why it works for many people. I am not sure how I feel about it, it makes sense so far and maybe even doable for me, but then again eat to live made sense too and I know I can't live by that so we shall see. After reading for a bit I really just felt like running, My mind sat wondering am I hungry? and the answer kept coming back as no but did keep going to running. So I went running, I did c25k day 1. My PLAN is to do some yoga on my wii fit tonight and a little bit of weights tomorrow, whether that will happen or not, Who knows but I can always plan can't I ? :D
I did have a snack in class of a power at I know I was slightly hungry but definitely wasn't at a 3. I don't know if I had it more out of routine, boredom or hunger. Oh well, can't be perfect all the time right?
After my mid day snack I did have another snack a little bit later that was just one piece of pizza and I guess kind of tied in to my lunch. Again I wasn't sure if I was truely hungry or not but I wasn't completely not hungry either and I was thinking and thinking about it so I had it :D Then A little later I was actually hungry hungry so I had half a piece of pizza (i realized I didn't really like left over pepparoni pizza from pizza hut so I didn't eat the rest of the slice) 1 pizza roller and a slice of pumpkin bar.
Then my cramps kicked in BAAADDLLYYYY The good thing about being 70 lbs lighter than I was and being on the metformin and vitamins is that my cycles are more regular I usually don't skip a month of a period, my cycles might be longer or shorter, but I pretty much have one once a month. Problem? Cramps SUUCCKKKK they hurt like a MOFO. even so I knew I wanted my house pretty much clean so I did the kitchen (deep clean including reclaiming my fridge from dripped raw meat juices) and the bathroom too. Now I can actually cook tonight which is what I am doing now. :D Im making cilantro and lime chicken with some salsa on top, brown rice with a little teriyaki sauce (Kind of like fried rice) and a salad YUM!
To recap for today I have eaten:
Breakfast @9:30 :1 piece of pepperoni pizza, 1 piece of Sausage Pizza and 1/2 of a bread stick.
Snack @11:30: chocolate crunch powerbar
snack2@1:30: piece of sausage pizza
Lunch @ 2:15: Half a piece of pepperoni pizza, 1 pizza roller and 1 piece of pumpkin bar
Dinner@ 7: lime cilantro chicken, fried rice, salad w/ bacon pieces, feta and spray ranch
Dessert@9: 1/2 cup carrot cake ice cream
Snack@ 10: 8 strawberries, extra small banana
Having typed that my stomach was growling and my hunger I THINK was about a 3 on the intuitive eating scale. I'm not sure. I find rating things hard to do :\ I warmed up 2 bread sticks and 2 pieces of pizza. One sausage and one pepperoni. The bread sticks were soggy and not to appealing, I definitely think I like them fresh or cold better. I didn't eat more than half of one. The pizza too was soggy which I didn't like again I think I like it better fresh or cold. I did eat that because it tasted a bit better though. I did take a second after each bite to assess how I was feeling and I am not sure if I am full or not so if I need to I will eat again in a few mins or a half an hour, etc. I think I am full but I'm not sure, it isn't a feeling where I'm FULL or over filled, It's kind of a not hungry/not full feeling I can't tell either way. When I ended I think I was about a 5 my pants are a little tight so I am not sure if my fullness is from the pants or from being full. Again if I am hungry in a few mins or a few hours I will eat.
Now let's back track a bit. I do feel a need to mention last night I ordered the pizza because I was EXHAUSTED I had 1 piece of each type of pizza, 2 bread sticks and 2 pizza rollers. I then had a piece of pumpkin bar I made earlier. I THOUGHT that I had eaten till full, Not overfull, not stuffed just full. However, 5 hours later at midnight while laying in bed I still felt full. Like full full. This morning I woke up at 7:30 and I wasn't hungry either. It was odd. Normally I wake up hungry. Instead I sat and read the book my nutritionist is having me read called eating intuitively by Evelyn Trioble and Elyse Resch. It is actually a quite interesting read and I can see why it works for many people. I am not sure how I feel about it, it makes sense so far and maybe even doable for me, but then again eat to live made sense too and I know I can't live by that so we shall see. After reading for a bit I really just felt like running, My mind sat wondering am I hungry? and the answer kept coming back as no but did keep going to running. So I went running, I did c25k day 1. My PLAN is to do some yoga on my wii fit tonight and a little bit of weights tomorrow, whether that will happen or not, Who knows but I can always plan can't I ? :D
I did have a snack in class of a power at I know I was slightly hungry but definitely wasn't at a 3. I don't know if I had it more out of routine, boredom or hunger. Oh well, can't be perfect all the time right?
After my mid day snack I did have another snack a little bit later that was just one piece of pizza and I guess kind of tied in to my lunch. Again I wasn't sure if I was truely hungry or not but I wasn't completely not hungry either and I was thinking and thinking about it so I had it :D Then A little later I was actually hungry hungry so I had half a piece of pizza (i realized I didn't really like left over pepparoni pizza from pizza hut so I didn't eat the rest of the slice) 1 pizza roller and a slice of pumpkin bar.
Then my cramps kicked in BAAADDLLYYYY The good thing about being 70 lbs lighter than I was and being on the metformin and vitamins is that my cycles are more regular I usually don't skip a month of a period, my cycles might be longer or shorter, but I pretty much have one once a month. Problem? Cramps SUUCCKKKK they hurt like a MOFO. even so I knew I wanted my house pretty much clean so I did the kitchen (deep clean including reclaiming my fridge from dripped raw meat juices) and the bathroom too. Now I can actually cook tonight which is what I am doing now. :D Im making cilantro and lime chicken with some salsa on top, brown rice with a little teriyaki sauce (Kind of like fried rice) and a salad YUM!
To recap for today I have eaten:
Breakfast @9:30 :1 piece of pepperoni pizza, 1 piece of Sausage Pizza and 1/2 of a bread stick.
Snack @11:30: chocolate crunch powerbar
snack2@1:30: piece of sausage pizza
Lunch @ 2:15: Half a piece of pepperoni pizza, 1 pizza roller and 1 piece of pumpkin bar
Dinner@ 7: lime cilantro chicken, fried rice, salad w/ bacon pieces, feta and spray ranch
Dessert@9: 1/2 cup carrot cake ice cream
Snack@ 10: 8 strawberries, extra small banana
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Update time!
I've been meaning to update you all for a while but I have been SOOO busy. School is starting and my health insurance is back so I actually get to see the doctors I am supposed to be seeing YAY! Oh and I passed My driving test! I am officially a licensed driver OOT OOT! Which is amazing cause it means I can take myself to doctors appts OOOT!
So let's back up and talk about what the doctors have said so far. As of yesterday my weight is 245.6 lbs. Which yes, is still 10 lbs higher than my lowest weight :\. I'm kind of bummed about that but after talking to my dietician yesterday I realize that that is ok, I need to focus on making myself healthy and the weight loss will come so I will try my best to play by her rules and see how this goes for me. I did see my new PCP yesterday as well, he was really nice and OH MY GOD HE KNEW WHAT PCOS WAS! It was amazing, 3 or 4 years ago I had to spend about 20 minutes explaining to my doctors about PCOS and what it was as well as what typical treatments for PCOS are. I felt sooooo relived.
When I went in we talked about what the first line of defense usually is and what he wants to see me on eventually. I did tell him that I have a dermatologist appt for the next day and an endocrinologist appt for a month away. He acknowledged that was good and prescribed the metformin for me but decided to hold off on the spirolactone and birth control until I saw my endo and dermatologist. He of course took my labs and all of that I should have those results in by the end of this week, I am kind of interested to see what they say or said, I want to know how all my work I've done has effected my levels.
After the PCP was the dietician and like I said she wants me to focus on my relationship with food and eating to be healthy before I zero in on the weight loss. She brought up a lot of valid points about my relationship with food that I already knew but wasn't exactly ready to face. Needless to say it ended up being a really emotional appointment, I almost cried a few times. Blarg.
After my appt with my dietician we had to race to target to get my RX and get some food so I could take it and get my dosage started. THEN was my driving test. oh my god! I was soooo nervous, the extra waiting time didn't help either. The guy that was supposed to check me in was on lunch and his replacement was busy doing something for 4 people from another country at once *facepalm*. I finally got up there and after 20 mins of waiting they told me I had to fill out a form...Like reallly??? So now I had to get out of line and fill a form out and get back in line (By this point I was getting faint) Then we get that all set up and my cousin and I move the car to the side of the building, the tester gets in the car and looks at the registration. what next? It's expired *facepalm again* Don't get me wrong mistakes happen its perfectly fine and we got it fixed by getting a trip permit, My cousin felt bad cause he knew it was adding to my nerves; but I was honestly ok with it I was just worried I wasn't going to be able to test because it takes 4 weeks to reschedule. I get out on the road, we go around town come back and I was SURE I failed and what did the tester say? I PASSED WITH 90%!!! omg I wanted to break down and cry I was sooo happy!
We finally got my pic taken, I got my interim license and I drove home. In my haste to leave the house though I forgot my keys IN THE HOUSE oi. Thankfully my apartment manager had them so I was able to get back in to my puppy :D After I got home I foot the puppy and myself out to the grove to see family and friends and show off the truck HEHE. I had a pretty ok day overall yesterday.
This morning though I had to get up at 6:30....SIX FREAKIN THIRTY to see the dermatologist....thankfully the BF didn't have to get up with me cause guess what? I can drive myself!!! HEHEHEHE. the dermatologist says that I have folliculitis which is basically inflamed follicles on top of the PCOS issues so she prescribed a topical treatment and antibiotic to me for now, I will be switching to spirolactone in 2 weeks though, that is ultimately something I wanted to do so that is perfectly fine. Overall it means that I need to get on birth control so that I don't get pregnant though because it's REALLY important I don't accidentally get pregnant while on these meds.
Right now I am just waiting for the call from the pharmacy to find out if we need a different RX, since the topical that the dermatologist prescribed could end up being a little pricey....I am not willing to spend a ton on it I know that is sad, but it is the truth :\.
OOh and as I am typing this the doc called back with my labs from yesterday, everything is normal YAY, from the metabolic standpoint anyway now I am just waiting to find out if I need to do a fasting panel or not. The nurse isn't sure yet so she is going to talk to the doctor and get back to me. Right now it is looking like losing the weight I have lost and taking the supplements I do take have brought my labs back to normal OOOT OOT!
Right, I am gonna head out and do some stuff for now but I will be bak to update this more often I promise!
So let's back up and talk about what the doctors have said so far. As of yesterday my weight is 245.6 lbs. Which yes, is still 10 lbs higher than my lowest weight :\. I'm kind of bummed about that but after talking to my dietician yesterday I realize that that is ok, I need to focus on making myself healthy and the weight loss will come so I will try my best to play by her rules and see how this goes for me. I did see my new PCP yesterday as well, he was really nice and OH MY GOD HE KNEW WHAT PCOS WAS! It was amazing, 3 or 4 years ago I had to spend about 20 minutes explaining to my doctors about PCOS and what it was as well as what typical treatments for PCOS are. I felt sooooo relived.
When I went in we talked about what the first line of defense usually is and what he wants to see me on eventually. I did tell him that I have a dermatologist appt for the next day and an endocrinologist appt for a month away. He acknowledged that was good and prescribed the metformin for me but decided to hold off on the spirolactone and birth control until I saw my endo and dermatologist. He of course took my labs and all of that I should have those results in by the end of this week, I am kind of interested to see what they say or said, I want to know how all my work I've done has effected my levels.
After the PCP was the dietician and like I said she wants me to focus on my relationship with food and eating to be healthy before I zero in on the weight loss. She brought up a lot of valid points about my relationship with food that I already knew but wasn't exactly ready to face. Needless to say it ended up being a really emotional appointment, I almost cried a few times. Blarg.
After my appt with my dietician we had to race to target to get my RX and get some food so I could take it and get my dosage started. THEN was my driving test. oh my god! I was soooo nervous, the extra waiting time didn't help either. The guy that was supposed to check me in was on lunch and his replacement was busy doing something for 4 people from another country at once *facepalm*. I finally got up there and after 20 mins of waiting they told me I had to fill out a form...Like reallly??? So now I had to get out of line and fill a form out and get back in line (By this point I was getting faint) Then we get that all set up and my cousin and I move the car to the side of the building, the tester gets in the car and looks at the registration. what next? It's expired *facepalm again* Don't get me wrong mistakes happen its perfectly fine and we got it fixed by getting a trip permit, My cousin felt bad cause he knew it was adding to my nerves; but I was honestly ok with it I was just worried I wasn't going to be able to test because it takes 4 weeks to reschedule. I get out on the road, we go around town come back and I was SURE I failed and what did the tester say? I PASSED WITH 90%!!! omg I wanted to break down and cry I was sooo happy!
We finally got my pic taken, I got my interim license and I drove home. In my haste to leave the house though I forgot my keys IN THE HOUSE oi. Thankfully my apartment manager had them so I was able to get back in to my puppy :D After I got home I foot the puppy and myself out to the grove to see family and friends and show off the truck HEHE. I had a pretty ok day overall yesterday.
This morning though I had to get up at 6:30....SIX FREAKIN THIRTY to see the dermatologist....thankfully the BF didn't have to get up with me cause guess what? I can drive myself!!! HEHEHEHE. the dermatologist says that I have folliculitis which is basically inflamed follicles on top of the PCOS issues so she prescribed a topical treatment and antibiotic to me for now, I will be switching to spirolactone in 2 weeks though, that is ultimately something I wanted to do so that is perfectly fine. Overall it means that I need to get on birth control so that I don't get pregnant though because it's REALLY important I don't accidentally get pregnant while on these meds.
Right now I am just waiting for the call from the pharmacy to find out if we need a different RX, since the topical that the dermatologist prescribed could end up being a little pricey....I am not willing to spend a ton on it I know that is sad, but it is the truth :\.
OOh and as I am typing this the doc called back with my labs from yesterday, everything is normal YAY, from the metabolic standpoint anyway now I am just waiting to find out if I need to do a fasting panel or not. The nurse isn't sure yet so she is going to talk to the doctor and get back to me. Right now it is looking like losing the weight I have lost and taking the supplements I do take have brought my labs back to normal OOOT OOT!
Right, I am gonna head out and do some stuff for now but I will be bak to update this more often I promise!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Week one of recommitment complete!
I have ALL my appt's scheduled and will be talking with a physician and the schools health clinic on monday about metformin and BCPim a little scared about the BCP though. I know that yaz ans yasmin are two that are recommended for PCOS but have MAJOR issues, like a recall was put out on them because of medical issues. I'm wondering what else is out there for me to use....
Anyway I did well today, had a little mini challenge about what to and not to eat and how healthy to be at a restaurant. My friend and I went to sushi which in general is pretty healthy but they had CHOCOLATEEEE and calorie filled sushi goodness (the really yummy sushi that is healthy but not so healthy *dies*). I wanted it all!!!! I ended up walking out having ate a little over 700 cals which is more than I wanted to eat ( I wanted to have 300 or 400 which at a sushi place is TOTALLY doable) but that is ok, still under my cals by 81 :DDD). Preparing for the beach wed. Gonna get packed tomorrow with all the little surprises that I bought that the BF doesn't know about yet HEHEHE.
I was out shopping with my girlfriend today and she is litterally a size TWO. ugh. Hate standing next to her. We were shopping at target for cute bras for her and OMG did you know they even sold bras for $17??? CUUUTTEEE ones too!
OMG I would own so many bras if I was able to shop there HAAHAHAH. I am kind of hoping I shrink to a DD or a D that way I CAN shop there. Next week is gonna be soo hectic. I start school and have my drivers test and have 5 doc appts (the endo isnt until oct sadly :\) so my health will be on the fast track to recovery! OOT OOT. I am EXCITED! I am sooo gonna do this this time. I said that last time and I did do it, in a way. I said I was gonna lose the weight, I didnt say I was gonna lost it all, I just said I was going to lose weight. which I did. I lost a total of 72 lbs from my highest. I am EXACTLY the same weight right now that I was at this time last year. I am trying to look at it as I have learned how to maintain, even though I have gone up by 10 lbs (mainly water weight) and down by 10 lbs (my lowest) I have stayed generally around this weight so I am hoping it is all downhill from here :D I had only 37 lbs to go till goal and that sounds like so little but now I am back to 47 and that is sooo close to 50 lbs :\ My ultimate goal is to get to 170 but that number yea :\ It is 77 lbs away and looks soooo far. Its discouraging to sit here and say YAY I lost 72 lbs! Boo, I have 77 more to go :\. So yaaayy!!! I lost 72 lbs ! I have 47 left to go :D
I just had to let this all out :D IDK why I am so freakin happy but this whole losing weight thing has me EXCITED! I was going to let myself have 2 free days at the beach but I am doing so well and finding this so easy at the moment that I don't want to break my groove. I know that I will not be within calories range but I am going to eat sensibly. I have two treats planned, squeaky cheese from the tillamook cheese factory and a piece ,yes just one piece of fudge from a little taffy shop in the town we will be staying in, Other than that I will not drink at the casino and I will be SENSIBLE with my selections at the restaurants and at breakfast :D Here we go world get ready for a sexier, skinnier , healthier, prettier and happier me!
Anyway I did well today, had a little mini challenge about what to and not to eat and how healthy to be at a restaurant. My friend and I went to sushi which in general is pretty healthy but they had CHOCOLATEEEE and calorie filled sushi goodness (the really yummy sushi that is healthy but not so healthy *dies*). I wanted it all!!!! I ended up walking out having ate a little over 700 cals which is more than I wanted to eat ( I wanted to have 300 or 400 which at a sushi place is TOTALLY doable) but that is ok, still under my cals by 81 :DDD). Preparing for the beach wed. Gonna get packed tomorrow with all the little surprises that I bought that the BF doesn't know about yet HEHEHE.
I was out shopping with my girlfriend today and she is litterally a size TWO. ugh. Hate standing next to her. We were shopping at target for cute bras for her and OMG did you know they even sold bras for $17??? CUUUTTEEE ones too!
OMG I would own so many bras if I was able to shop there HAAHAHAH. I am kind of hoping I shrink to a DD or a D that way I CAN shop there. Next week is gonna be soo hectic. I start school and have my drivers test and have 5 doc appts (the endo isnt until oct sadly :\) so my health will be on the fast track to recovery! OOT OOT. I am EXCITED! I am sooo gonna do this this time. I said that last time and I did do it, in a way. I said I was gonna lose the weight, I didnt say I was gonna lost it all, I just said I was going to lose weight. which I did. I lost a total of 72 lbs from my highest. I am EXACTLY the same weight right now that I was at this time last year. I am trying to look at it as I have learned how to maintain, even though I have gone up by 10 lbs (mainly water weight) and down by 10 lbs (my lowest) I have stayed generally around this weight so I am hoping it is all downhill from here :D I had only 37 lbs to go till goal and that sounds like so little but now I am back to 47 and that is sooo close to 50 lbs :\ My ultimate goal is to get to 170 but that number yea :\ It is 77 lbs away and looks soooo far. Its discouraging to sit here and say YAY I lost 72 lbs! Boo, I have 77 more to go :\. So yaaayy!!! I lost 72 lbs ! I have 47 left to go :D
I just had to let this all out :D IDK why I am so freakin happy but this whole losing weight thing has me EXCITED! I was going to let myself have 2 free days at the beach but I am doing so well and finding this so easy at the moment that I don't want to break my groove. I know that I will not be within calories range but I am going to eat sensibly. I have two treats planned, squeaky cheese from the tillamook cheese factory and a piece ,yes just one piece of fudge from a little taffy shop in the town we will be staying in, Other than that I will not drink at the casino and I will be SENSIBLE with my selections at the restaurants and at breakfast :D Here we go world get ready for a sexier, skinnier , healthier, prettier and happier me!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
again, again, again.
Yep Again.
Well First I am have to say I haven't technically gained since I am about the weight I was at this time last year. The depressing part? I HAVE BEEN AT THIS WEIGHT FOR A YEAR!!! ugh. I have made it down to 237 a few times and come right back up. That number *points to 237* is my barrier and I will kick its ass this time! I will NEVER see 250 OR 240 once I make it out this time. NOT GOING OT HAPPEN. I am at this, I got this, I have the rage, the fire in me I had the first time around and I LOOOVVEEE that feeling. My goal is to be between 211 and 225 by dec 12th (My vacation to cali) ANNNDDDD be able to run a half an hr straight by then so that I can continue exercising while down there. Cali has AMAZING weather in december, and it is still acceptable to run outside there. Plus it's really flat, so none of the hills I have here to deal with HHEHEHE. I'm gonna BUST this.
I've decided to suck it up and make an appt to get back on Met since my insurance kicks in again on the 20th of this month, i can actually see a doctor. OOT OOT. I'm going to see the schools Dietician and normal doctor since that doesn't get charged to my health insurance. Then I will use my insurance for the specialists. Such as a dermatologist and an endocrinologist.
IDK y I am so excited but I am!
Well First I am have to say I haven't technically gained since I am about the weight I was at this time last year. The depressing part? I HAVE BEEN AT THIS WEIGHT FOR A YEAR!!! ugh. I have made it down to 237 a few times and come right back up. That number *points to 237* is my barrier and I will kick its ass this time! I will NEVER see 250 OR 240 once I make it out this time. NOT GOING OT HAPPEN. I am at this, I got this, I have the rage, the fire in me I had the first time around and I LOOOVVEEE that feeling. My goal is to be between 211 and 225 by dec 12th (My vacation to cali) ANNNDDDD be able to run a half an hr straight by then so that I can continue exercising while down there. Cali has AMAZING weather in december, and it is still acceptable to run outside there. Plus it's really flat, so none of the hills I have here to deal with HHEHEHE. I'm gonna BUST this.
I've decided to suck it up and make an appt to get back on Met since my insurance kicks in again on the 20th of this month, i can actually see a doctor. OOT OOT. I'm going to see the schools Dietician and normal doctor since that doesn't get charged to my health insurance. Then I will use my insurance for the specialists. Such as a dermatologist and an endocrinologist.
IDK y I am so excited but I am!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Hey Ya'll! It's been a while.
Sooo busy after the move. Finally caught up on everything. I haven't stepped on a scale often, but last I did was sometime last week and it said I was back to 241 :\ If I didn't gain more than that with all the sodium, eating out and laziness of the move and situating classes and catching up on everything I'll be happy. I started c25k yesterday and was still WAAAAYYY over my calorie range but I am making a vow to go to the workout room here at our apartments every day. I don't plan on weighing myself for 2+ weeks because I also started some light weight training today and I know that every time I start running I retain weight until my body gets used to it. Add weight training in there and I probably won't see the scale move for a month or so. I am also lowering my cals back to 1200, I had more success there than i did at 1400 because I think "oh I can add 100 cals and it's ok" but at 1400 I do that and I get dangerously close to the cal range where I don't lose at all because of my PCOS which is 1600. Hope you all are doing well on your journey. Sorry it took me so long to come back! HUUGGSSS
Sooo busy after the move. Finally caught up on everything. I haven't stepped on a scale often, but last I did was sometime last week and it said I was back to 241 :\ If I didn't gain more than that with all the sodium, eating out and laziness of the move and situating classes and catching up on everything I'll be happy. I started c25k yesterday and was still WAAAAYYY over my calorie range but I am making a vow to go to the workout room here at our apartments every day. I don't plan on weighing myself for 2+ weeks because I also started some light weight training today and I know that every time I start running I retain weight until my body gets used to it. Add weight training in there and I probably won't see the scale move for a month or so. I am also lowering my cals back to 1200, I had more success there than i did at 1400 because I think "oh I can add 100 cals and it's ok" but at 1400 I do that and I get dangerously close to the cal range where I don't lose at all because of my PCOS which is 1600. Hope you all are doing well on your journey. Sorry it took me so long to come back! HUUGGSSS
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
What a week so far.
Wow. What a week it has been and it's only 3 days since my last post!
Monday wasn't so great. My weight went up by .4 lbs (I knew it would though considering that I had a TON of sodium the day before). Other than that not much going on except I had to return books to the library and pick up my term pass for spring term (not bad )
Yesterday started out AWESOME, then turned to crap. I weighed myself (because I knew Monday's weight gain was water retention) and the scale said 239! Was weird though, I thought I'd be so much happier once I got into the 230's. Don't get me wrong I was happy but not ecstatic :\ I don't know if it is because I was in the 240's for so long it feels unreal or if it just hasn't sunk in yet. Then I went and checked my grades from school I received 1 A, 2 B's and a pass (pass/no pass grading option). That means I made honor roll! Woot! That I was happy bout.
After my AMAZING morning my day just went downhill :\ My grandmother has been in the hospital and her health took a turn for the worse. My aunts wanted my mom to get down there but she couldn't because she didn't have the gas, doesn't know where the hospital is and can't walk to a bus. My sister Christina is an hour away, Heather didn't have the bus money and Melissa didn't want to go. So that left me. Except one problem. My aunt didn't want me there and my grandmother didn't want to deal with it and both of us being there knowing my aunt doesn't like me would stress her out so I got halfway to the hospital to be told my grandmother didn't want me there :\...awesome... I went to a friends and hung out for a bit but just was really eh. I wanted to be alone/with my boyfriend. People kept trying to talk about things and sometimes I need to process stuff privately before talking about it ya know?
Today My boyfriend and I are SUPPOSED to meet his cousin that he hasn't seen since he was like 5 but I'm not sure that will happen.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my scholarship mentor at noon then need to go meet my boyfriend at work so we can go turn in our apartment applications *crosses her fingers* ( I'm nervous).
Then friday I have to go to the trimet office and pick up my friends bus pass (she has 2 small kids so it's hard for her to get down there to get it herself) and then take it to her. Then anxiously await the results from the vet (Matt is taking teddy in because he is limping a tiny bit).
Then saturday....Well I guess I have saturday free. My classes open online on sunday then monday classes start. (YIKES!)
Busy week, Hoping I stay on plan, I want to get back to my 2-3 lbs a week loss I had before. Matt is doing AMAZINGLY well in 2 months he has lost almost 30 lbs. Almost 10 lbs more than I have. WOW. Makes me want to speed up though so that I still weigh less than him ;)
I think that is all for now. Will update again soon ;)
Monday wasn't so great. My weight went up by .4 lbs (I knew it would though considering that I had a TON of sodium the day before). Other than that not much going on except I had to return books to the library and pick up my term pass for spring term (not bad )
Yesterday started out AWESOME, then turned to crap. I weighed myself (because I knew Monday's weight gain was water retention) and the scale said 239! Was weird though, I thought I'd be so much happier once I got into the 230's. Don't get me wrong I was happy but not ecstatic :\ I don't know if it is because I was in the 240's for so long it feels unreal or if it just hasn't sunk in yet. Then I went and checked my grades from school I received 1 A, 2 B's and a pass (pass/no pass grading option). That means I made honor roll! Woot! That I was happy bout.
After my AMAZING morning my day just went downhill :\ My grandmother has been in the hospital and her health took a turn for the worse. My aunts wanted my mom to get down there but she couldn't because she didn't have the gas, doesn't know where the hospital is and can't walk to a bus. My sister Christina is an hour away, Heather didn't have the bus money and Melissa didn't want to go. So that left me. Except one problem. My aunt didn't want me there and my grandmother didn't want to deal with it and both of us being there knowing my aunt doesn't like me would stress her out so I got halfway to the hospital to be told my grandmother didn't want me there :\...awesome... I went to a friends and hung out for a bit but just was really eh. I wanted to be alone/with my boyfriend. People kept trying to talk about things and sometimes I need to process stuff privately before talking about it ya know?
Today My boyfriend and I are SUPPOSED to meet his cousin that he hasn't seen since he was like 5 but I'm not sure that will happen.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my scholarship mentor at noon then need to go meet my boyfriend at work so we can go turn in our apartment applications *crosses her fingers* ( I'm nervous).
Then friday I have to go to the trimet office and pick up my friends bus pass (she has 2 small kids so it's hard for her to get down there to get it herself) and then take it to her. Then anxiously await the results from the vet (Matt is taking teddy in because he is limping a tiny bit).
Then saturday....Well I guess I have saturday free. My classes open online on sunday then monday classes start. (YIKES!)
Busy week, Hoping I stay on plan, I want to get back to my 2-3 lbs a week loss I had before. Matt is doing AMAZINGLY well in 2 months he has lost almost 30 lbs. Almost 10 lbs more than I have. WOW. Makes me want to speed up though so that I still weigh less than him ;)
I think that is all for now. Will update again soon ;)
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Finals are ended
Finals are finally over. The apartment hunt with the BF continues. I pigged last week. Majorly :\ Ugh. 3 days of binges. Thankfully I managed to still lose .2 lbs as of this morning. I SOOOO want out of the 240's I HAVE to crack down. I know I can too, I just....yea IDK what is wrong with me. Hoping I will be down a lb tomorrow. I'm gonna try a fasting thing today and see what that does. I heard Intermittent fasting was good for PCOS. Maybe I will give it a try. I always preach not to not eat but honestly, our ancestors didn't always know when food was going to be present, we are designed for irregular eating. I am going to eat no breakfast. Have subway for lunch, then no dinner and see what the scale does in the morning. Then I will eat as normal on Monday. If I can do this, I think I won't not eat every day, I would at least have dinner or lunch, something. Also, I would only do it 1 or two times a week plus count my calories for the rest of the week. See how it goes. My boyfriend is doing GREAT 5 lbs gone this week *not fair* He;s almost to my weight now! I gotta hurry up, or he will catch up LOL.
Still waiting on my grades from my classes *bites nails* it's sooo hard. I'm worries about how I did on my final papers.... Ugh. At least I know I passed math!
Still waiting on my grades from my classes *bites nails* it's sooo hard. I'm worries about how I did on my final papers.... Ugh. At least I know I passed math!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Busy, Busy, Busy!
Wow am I ever busy this week! Saturday I went shopping with my BF (he can't cook, and doesn't know how to shop) then we saw 21 jump street (YOU MUST SEE IT!) Sunday I spent at the mall with a friend of mine rebecca, that was fun but being at a mall with two rambunctious kids was defo a new experience. Yesterday was spent selling my books back and finishing math homework since my final is on thursday. Today I am meeting the BF for lunch then after he gets off work we are going to look at an apartment, THEN I have a conference with my writing teacher (uhoh....)Tomorrow I am finishing my two final papers (ugh papers). Thursday is the final and an interview to volunteer at oregon partnership. then friday I help my friend move furniture and boxes and on saturday My BF and I are looking at another apartment. I THINK I get to rest on sunday....maybe.... HEHE. With all of that going on it is going to be TOUGH to stay on track. I must not derail now though I was at 241.8 yest morning almost out of the 240's WOOHOO!
230's here I come! (oh btw, only 41 lbs to my first goal and 71 to my ultimate goal YAYAY!!!!!)
Righ I gotta hustle and eat my oatmeal or Im gonna be late meeting the bf (takes me 2 hrs to get to his work by bus)
230's here I come! (oh btw, only 41 lbs to my first goal and 71 to my ultimate goal YAYAY!!!!!)
Righ I gotta hustle and eat my oatmeal or Im gonna be late meeting the bf (takes me 2 hrs to get to his work by bus)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Back for real?
I've said that I am back what? 3? 5? 12? 137 times? This time I hope to mean it. First I want to thank all my loyal readers who have kept me on your blogroll even though I have not posted. THANK YOU! it means SOOOO much to me! Let me tell you a little about where I have been. Last time I posted here I believe I was at 247 or so. It's been a WHIRLWIND Let's start from the beginning.
Things that happened in November
18th I met my now boyfriend Matt.
22nd- I Got down to 243.8 lbs YAY!!
24th - thanksgiving reunion with my family.
30th- 248 (Ugh!)
December
6th- Found out my "Grandfather" (Grandmothers husband) Has lung cancer
14th- Term ended
20th got my grades from my classes 2A's and 2 B's YAY!
25th-Christmas
27th- Started seeing Matt A LOT more (WOOT!)
31st- Matt meets my mother (Yikes)
Janruary
5th Matt and I are officially dating and I meet his mother(WOOHOO)
7th I meet the rest of Matts family at his Graduation dinner (he completed his bachelors YAY!
15th-Grandfather passes away
16th-249.2 Lbs
19th We bury my grandfather
22nd-Beach weekend for Matt's birthday
27th 254 lbs (UGH!)
30th 260 Lbs OMG WTF!!!
February
1st 257 Lbs
2nd 256
11th 252 (Better!)
20th 247 (Yippee)
28th 244.8 (Getting there woot woot!)
March
2nd 243 (Oh yea man!)
5th 248 (Ugh, gotta be water weight from that weekends beach trip
8th 244.8
8th Binge! (oi vey)
9th 249
10th 252
10th Binge (Bleh..I sence a patternn...lots of water weight!)
11th 248.8
12th 247.8
13th 245.6
14th 244.0
That would be where I am at Today. As you can see it's been wild RIDE. Buuuuut I am SICK of seeing the 240's, Gotta bust outta there! I want to be in the 230's by the END of march. I made it into the 240's in Feb and I can make it into the 230's in March!
I did realize something recently though. Jan/feb/march is where I started losing last year...I think I wall in to the winter funk and can't lose then really. I find I lose best during the BEGINNING of the year...and kind of taper off as the year progresses, specially around September and October. Hmm....who knew?
Anyway, that's my story. I hope to be posting more regularly now. Btw, Here is a pick of Matt and I :D
And of course, Have to include a pic of his adorable newfoundland Teddy!
Things that happened in November
18th I met my now boyfriend Matt.
22nd- I Got down to 243.8 lbs YAY!!
24th - thanksgiving reunion with my family.
30th- 248 (Ugh!)
December
6th- Found out my "Grandfather" (Grandmothers husband) Has lung cancer
14th- Term ended
20th got my grades from my classes 2A's and 2 B's YAY!
25th-Christmas
27th- Started seeing Matt A LOT more (WOOT!)
31st- Matt meets my mother (Yikes)
Janruary
5th Matt and I are officially dating and I meet his mother(WOOHOO)
7th I meet the rest of Matts family at his Graduation dinner (he completed his bachelors YAY!
15th-Grandfather passes away
16th-249.2 Lbs
19th We bury my grandfather
22nd-Beach weekend for Matt's birthday
27th 254 lbs (UGH!)
30th 260 Lbs OMG WTF!!!
February
1st 257 Lbs
2nd 256
11th 252 (Better!)
20th 247 (Yippee)
28th 244.8 (Getting there woot woot!)
March
2nd 243 (Oh yea man!)
5th 248 (Ugh, gotta be water weight from that weekends beach trip
8th 244.8
8th Binge! (oi vey)
9th 249
10th 252
10th Binge (Bleh..I sence a patternn...lots of water weight!)
11th 248.8
12th 247.8
13th 245.6
14th 244.0
That would be where I am at Today. As you can see it's been wild RIDE. Buuuuut I am SICK of seeing the 240's, Gotta bust outta there! I want to be in the 230's by the END of march. I made it into the 240's in Feb and I can make it into the 230's in March!
I did realize something recently though. Jan/feb/march is where I started losing last year...I think I wall in to the winter funk and can't lose then really. I find I lose best during the BEGINNING of the year...and kind of taper off as the year progresses, specially around September and October. Hmm....who knew?
Anyway, that's my story. I hope to be posting more regularly now. Btw, Here is a pick of Matt and I :D
And of course, Have to include a pic of his adorable newfoundland Teddy!
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