My weight loss progress
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Can't figure it out
I really can't figure this out. For a few days I have been weird having highs and lows I will be really happy then be really sad and depressed. I want to chock it up to hormones since it is recent and I know that as I lose weight my hormones will start to change and even out. I just don't know what to do right now. My music of choice has been nickelback and creed. Particularly two creed songs( below) I know why with open arms appeals to me so. I want more than anything to be a mom. I want that song to be sung and dedicated to me or at least for it to mean something to some guy about me. My baby syndrome is just getting worse since jessie found out she is pregnant. It is just so unfair. The other I find relates to me and my friends. I feel like My friends are slowly drifting away from me. The people I once spent hours and hours talking to and joking with now aren't around as much, we don't talk as much I feel myself slipping from reality, my friends are my fire, my lifeline. Without them...I am nothing. Completely and utterly nothing. I won't let this derail my weight loss journey not one iota. I need to lose this weight for my health, for me, for my future kids...so I can get pregnant. I just can't help but feel n unbelievable sadness all I want to do sometimes is break down and cry. I have not been an emotional person much and I have noticed that ever since I have started losing weight it has been an emotional rollercoster for me ups and downs, I am more susceptible to emotions and to crying wheres before I would go years without shedding a tear. I just can't seem to go a day without this sadness lately. I miss my friends so much. They mean so much to me I just wish I didn't feel so lost.
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I know exactly how you feel. I hate the highs and lows. Sadly, this is one of those things you can chalk up to PCOS. I don't want to freak you out, and I truly hope I don't, but this is a classic example of bipolar disorder. Don't freak out - it doesn't mean you are going to get violent and start swinging at people. PCOS and bipolar disorder are linked, although it has yet to be determined if bipolar disorder causes PCOS or if PCOS causes bipolar diorder. To be honest, I wish I had the capability to study it, so I could fix what's wrong with me.
ReplyDeleteThe high periods are called 'Manic' episodes - this is where you are overly happy, elated, and in a lot of cases, impulsive. The low periods are 'Depressive' periods, and they can be rough, obviously as you have seen.
I have been on anti-depressants and bipolar meds since the middle of last year, and they have made a huge difference in my life. My suggestion to you (and it's purely a suggestion, you definitely don't have to do it if you don't want to) - if this last for more than a few weeks to a month, visit a psychiatrist. Make sure to tell them you have PCOS, and explain the mood swings. In particular, I'd request an anti-depressant (See if you can start with Celexa, it's uber cheap.) Don't be afraid to ask for a little help, because you won't have to take them for the rest of our life. When I was skinny, I didn't have to take them. But whenever I gain too much weight, I go crazy again, and have to go back to the doctor and start meds again. I have been able to work on losing weight since I started taking my meds, because I'm not so depressed and down in the dumps, mad at myself because I want a baby and can't have one because I'm too fat.
If you do decide to talk to a psychiatrist, make sure you let them know you have PCOS, and refuse Depakote or any other form of valproic acid, because there have been studies that show that valproic acid has the potential to worsen PCOS. I found that out the hard way, because I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder before PCOS, although I had the PCOS symptoms long before my diagnosis.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do, and you can email me anytime - courtneylwallace (at) gmail (dot) com. My blog is about living/coping/surviving with PCOS, bipolar disorder and depression. twitchivixen.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for your support! I definitely know I am going to continue on my journey, I don't think I am bipolar but it is possible, My father is bi polar so it DOES run in the family. I also know there is a link between pcos and bi polar disorder. I study psychology in school so my education WILL help me better understand myself and those closest to me. For now I think, I just need to find a way some coping strategies and I am gonna stay from those two songs LOL Knowing I am not alone helps a TON thank you!
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